Focus 2(of 4) -Couplehood is Particular

Focus 2 | Couplehood is Particular

We love to hide, and the world lies and says we’re safer and better off when we do.
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See Adam and Eve hiding their shame.

The first thing Adam and Eve do after falling into sin is hide their bodies from one another, and they didn’t stop there. When God came into the garden, they hid from God, too.

 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’” “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
Genesis 3:1–13

And thus, these relationships—which found their very life in trust and open connection—experience the opposite of that life: death.

Welcome Perspective
Sinners love to hide, and Satan lies and says you’re safer when you do.
Read this short section to make sense of what makes life happen.
Eve told the devil that God said of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil:

“You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.”

Why did eating from the tree God told them not to eat from cause death? Because it separated them from life.

God is the true source of life, and when you’re connected to him, you have life.

God gave humanity life, initially:

Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
Genesis 2:7

God gives humanity life, eternally:

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
John 11:25–26

God doesn’t just keep all this life-giving activity to himself, though. He also gives life through the activity of others.

  • Plants and animals sustain life. 
  • People help other people live well. 
  • Perhaps most uniquely, God chose to use the combination of a male and female to create more life.

There’s one big thing to notice, here. Life happens when beings are connected and interact. No interaction, no life.
Identify what you’re hiding—for you.
(Note: This is one of those exercises that will be exactly as effective as you decide to make it. What you hold back from this exercise will also hold back its potential for impact.)

Death comes when you separate. Death comes when you isolate. Death comes when you hide. People do this in many, many ways. (We’ve gotten good at it over millennia of practice.)

Hiding often looks like a retreat into self, so here’s a list of “self” words that might help with this exercise. (Some of these can even be good at times… unless you’re looking to them as a source of life.)

  • Self-sufficiency
  • Self-protection
  • Self-esteem
  • Self-acceptance
  • Self-righteousness
  • Self-loathing
  • Self-control
  • Self-destruction
  • Self-abuse

Grab a piece of paper or notes app and get ready.

Set a timer for two minutes, dedicating that time to write down how you’re hiding—whatever things you’re hiding that you know aren’t good, helpful, honest, vulnerable, or loving.

(These might help get you started: What have you never told anyone else? What would you never let anyone know? Even at your most open and honest and vulnerable, where are you still hiding?)
Keep your list in hand as you listen to this song of invitation from God.

At about three minutes and twenty-five seconds, she’ll sing, “Baby, you’re almost home now.”

That would be a great point at which you could look at the things you’ve listed and acknowledge that you can’t hide them from God, and he doesn’t want you to, because he loves you.
Use the presentation below to pray—together—about hiding.
Reflect on all this with this song.
You can even sing along if you’d like. (If you’re doing this on Zoom, make sure you’re muted—and then go for it! Nobody’s listening but God, and God loves your voice.)
Worship Perspective
You hide to survive—or so you have been told—but life is found with God.
Allow the Bible’s quintessential couple to teach you about wanting to be found.

Identify all the ways that the couple indicates they hate being separated and want to be together as you read through this passage.


Listen! My beloved!
Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills.
My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag.
Look! There he stands behind our wall,
gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice.

My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”


My dove in the clefts of the rock,
in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face, let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards,
our vineyards that are in bloom.


My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.
Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved,
and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.

All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him.
I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
So I looked for him but did not find him.

The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city.
“Have you seen the one my heart loves?”
Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
till I had brought him to my mother’s house,
to the room of the one who conceived me.

Song of Solomon 2:6–3:4

With that in mind, move into the next section with this quick note:

Song of Solomon is about love, about a man and woman, about a desire to be truly together—but it is also about Jesus. The whole story of Song of Solomon is the story of Jesus’ desire to be with his bride, what one might call “the church,” and the church’s need and desire to be with him.

Stop hiding and let others in.
Everyone is hiding. It’s part of the condition of the sinful human, and there’s real grace from God that says to you, “I know you’re hiding, I know what you’re hiding, and it doesn’t affect my love for you.”

Use the following prompts to think about how a broken world encourages hiding to the detriment of the people who are hiding for their own protection. 

01. Think about the things you’re hiding that you wrote down earlier.

  • With your group, talk about some of the motivations behind the things people hide. What reasons do people give themselves as they decide it’s best to hide something? 

02. Think about the thing on your list that you’ve been hiding the longest.

  • The couple in Song of Solomon gets to enjoy an idealized relationship; they either have no sin to hide from each other or trust the other’s love so completely they know that no sin can stop them. When you recognize that Jesus is part of this story, it means that the thing you’ve been hiding the longest is also the thing that’s been forgiven the longest. How can recognizing that change the way a person feels about the thing they’ve hidden the longest?

03. Think about the total number of hidden things listed by the people in your group. Multiply that number by 7 billion. Is it any wonder humanity suffers from division?

  • What can Christians do? You may not be in a position to change the entire world, so leave that to Jesus. When it comes to hiding, what can you or your group actually do to fight the detrimental instinct to hide? 
Learn Perspective
When, in love, people try to trust, the hiding lie starts to come undone.
Imagine a world where you can talk about sex—healthily and helpfully.

Song of Solomon uses a couple’s sexual desire for one another to illustrate the goodness of working and being together. It’s been a helpful book written by the wisest man ever for thousands of years.

Sometimes it feels like conversations about sex fall into two categories:

  1. They treat sex inappropriately (that is, they speak of sex in ways it was not intended.)
  2. They treat sex like it’s inappropriate (that is, they speak of sex as if it’s always a dirty thing.)

Work together with your group to imagine a conversation in which you were able to talk to a couple about the goodness of the unity sex brings.

Try to envision the where, when, how, what, and why of the conversation. It’s OK to be a little idealistic—but it’s also good to long for this kind of honest vulnerability in relationships.

Discover spaces where this can happen—like Reclamation.

Did you know there’s a group where people who are in the LGBTQ community— and those who care about them—can safely talk about sex and sexuality with others in a Biblical, Christian way?

The group is called Reclamation. Check out one of the stories they share on their site—awesome examples of healthy conversation about sex.

Choose connection over fear.
Jesus’ victory over the devil and his lies means that a Christian person can live without fear of the devil’s threats. He uses those threats and people’s fear to wreak havoc, pain, injustice, and evil. God’s love in Jesus means you don’t have to listen to him.

Celebrated author Brené Brown gets it. There are few authors who write more clearly and powerfully about the unconditional love of God and the power of being connected through that love than she does—and she’s not actually a “Christian author.” (That is, she writes in the genre of popular psychology, not religion.)

In 2020, in connection with her book Rising Strong, she penned this thoughtful take on the actual power of choosing connection over fear. Read it together.

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Prayer Requests

Pray through your requests—together—as a group.
After submitting your requests in the above form, take some time to share with your group whatever requests the group might have for this week.
Serve Perspective
Connection over fear; relationships over saying—or thinking—you’re right.
Reflect on all God has shared with you today.

The song “Loved Like This” by We Are Messengers enjoys the way that the love of God is the safest, most inviting love a person can enjoy—and that it takes away the need to hide.

Stop your hiding,
dry your eyes and
let him hold you now
wherever you are.
No more fighting!
Don’t deny it!
Let him love you now.
Sing along with (or listen to) this song to close out this Spotlight.
Feel free to sing along or simply listen. Do what makes you comfortable—but do whatever helps you focus on the song's meaning best.
Farewell Perspective
As couplehood shows what unity can be, it teaches you to fight isolation.
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